I started my first dance in my bedroom, after writing my first article about building a new relationship with my body.
I danced for less than 2 minutes and I saw myself in my backyard lying on the grass.
Then, I went to the backyard lied down and felt this amazing connexion with the elements. I spent time contemplating the beauty around me and listened to the birds. I felt at peace and some kind of bliss. Heaven!
Afterwards, I felt the need to stand up and dance again. I moved my body then I started hitting the ground so strongly ; there was so much anger that needed to be released.
The more I kept stomping my feet, the clearer I would see myself embodying an indigenous warrior from the Pacific Islands gathering its strength and fearlessness to face whatever needed to be faced.
Later on, circumstances brought me to a reality that I had to face. I am not sharing what happened because part of the story is not mine. But the situation was quite ugly and I felt anger, resentment, disgust, disconfort and I wanted to blame the other person. I didn’t. I don’t know if what I said was right but at least I didn’t burst into anger and start blaming the other person.
But afterwards, I wrote about it,took a step back and realized that it wasn’t my story.
By being directed to this situation as terrible as it was for me, it was a reminder from the Universe that I had idealized people that were close to me, that we all have a light and a shadow but my responsibility is not to judge others but to take care of my own shadow and things that I don’t want to admit to myself. I also gained another insight that I am not here to fix, save or live the life of another person to protect that person; but this is topic that I am not going to cover today.
I was holding onto a belief about men that was not helping neither my relationship with myself nor with any potential man.But the most important one right now is my relationship with myself and with my inner masculine.
On an unconscious level, I was having deep rooted beliefs that men were cheaters, liars, abusers, do not respect women, do not care about women, aggressive etc…
What does this tell about me?
I believe that there are a lot of amazing men out there who respect women, treat them well, have only the highest intention towards them but…
On an unconscious level, I had this belief that I need to care of.
By rejecting the masculine, I am rejecting a part of myself which creates a lot of disharmony and conflicts.
By accepting the masculine, I choose to make the necessary changes and embody the light that would support me in creating more balance in my life.
On the bright side, the masculine is about taking action, integrity, leadership, motivation, discipline, support, protection etc…
On the dark side, the masculine is about competition, addiction, anger, revenge, violence, control, dishonesty etc..
There is definitely more in both lists but I mentioned only those that speak to me the most right now.
How can I transform the “negative” masculine into the “positive” one?
I am going back to the TWO questions that I asked myself today?
- What is my body asking from me right now?
- How can I attend to my body’s needs through self-love and self-care right now?
As I mentioned in a previous post that I am in physical pain. I have two herniated discs. The one on the right side is quite voluminous and it creates some terrible tensions and a sciatica on the right leg that I can barely stand up without feeling an intense pain.
From what I know, the right side of the body represents the masculine. I believe that my body is asking me to take care of my inner masculine: to take action, to be more disciplined, to accept to take responsibility and have leadership roles, to be honest with myself and do what I believe in etc..
I want to! But why am I not able to make those changes?
Because I keep living in blame, resentment, anger towards others and mainly towards myself. I would not finish what I started, I would not do something that I said I would do, I would not implement my ideas because I believed they were worthless. I would be constantly sabotaging myself.
So the root of the problem is blame, anger and resentment. The remedy, I believe, is to bring more acceptance, love, compassion and forgiveness.
I heard that prayers work.
I heard that mantras work as well.
I heard that positive affirmations such as “I love myself” work too.
I have been using all these techniques but I have never been consistant.
So what would work for me?
I am going to ask my body again through dance and see what answers it has to offer: What do you suggest, my dear body? What is the best way to bring more acceptance, love, compassion and forgiveness?
After dancing, what I understood from the movements is that my body is craving for this kind of space that I am creating. My body wants to be heard, wants to share its story and wants to move. It wants to tell me what I didn’t want to hear and accept.
By creating this space for healing, I am bringing more love, acceptance, compassion and forgiveness. This is a big step.
What I like about this practice is that I can do it wherever I feel the need to during the day:
- when I feel bored,
- when I feel anxious
- when I feel that I want to dive into a bad habit.
- when I feel some emotions that I have a hard time to express
- when I am in my thoughts etc…
This is just the beginning of this new ritual but I feel confident about it. It can take less than a minute and I could receive so much goodness from it.
I am so grateful that I am defining a new way of doing things and exploring my inner vision and intuition.
This is not victory yet but I am just allowing to experience my heart’s desire.